wreck

I'm an emotional wreck. I feel completely lost and torn apart in a tumultous tsunami that was supposedly the end. I feel so hollow inside. Just like how madam felt hollow. Empty and just very, very tired.

You know, i thought i'd come here and force myself to get it all out. Force it all out and feel that familiar fake sense of satisfaction when im done. When the truth is, all i would be doing is emptying myself further, losing myself in a facade of calm.

So, no. I am not going to hurt myself and tear myself to bits.

Ive got bigger things to move on to.
And its not my A's.
Its my life.

Yesterday wasnt the end.
It was not closure. Because closure is not painful.

Im sticking to this;
" If its not alright, its not the end. And in the end, it will be alright. And what is alright is for you(me) to decide."

We're not done.
I'm not done.
Im just learning.

Much love,

farah