it doesnt smell like it used to

Freedom doesnt smell like it used to.

Theres none of the sticky sweet rasberry bursts of happiness coated with icing that melts all over eager toes. None of the zesty lemon hot pink banana whip cream that screamed welcome to wonder land. None of the grumpy purple oranges painting your monochrome world in shades of purses and shoes.

None of it.

Because freedom changed. But hey, whos complaining?

Freedom hasnt presented itself in a less appealing way yet. I think its trying to out do the A levels or perhaps road kill in the " God i hope that never happens to me" department.Either that or it went on a holiday and left Lucifer in charge.

Enough of the mopey sloppy slobery stuff.

Meanwhile ( I say that way too often dont I. I think the nanny says it too. With like a Queens or a Brooklyn-ish accent. Meanwhooiilllee.Yes.)

Meanwhile, i just got back from KL. I was there for like ages man. Okay i was there since the 6th? Something like that and i got back yesterday. My Kl mantra to keep me sane was shop, eat, shop, movie, massage, shop, reflexology, eat, shop. Practically all that i have been doing. Actually, there should be more "eat"s in that mantra than "shop".

I think its a culture in KL. To eat, that is. I mean there are more food shops, restaurants, coffee houses, bars etc. than there are shops. I am not kidding. So all the weight i lost over my A's just hopped on back.

Say hello to tranny santa. I exaggerate to prove my point.

Ive got pictures. But im still a lazy procrastinating mammoth. Clearly, even A's cant help you there. So those pictures like every other picture i said would come up on this blog will sadly, never make it here. Try facebook. You might get lucky.

Speaking of facefuckingbook. I CANT ACCEPT ANY REQUESTS. It used to hang whenever i tried. But NOW, i just cant get to the page. Meanwhile, there are heads forming a mount sinai and i need to either ignore or accept. Ignore or accept. IGNORE OR...

I think this has gone on long enough. For the record, im not checking for typos. I never liked doing so. So i wont. Hah.

Much love,

farah

Pending

1. watch prison break, lost, desperate housewives, brothers and sisters and heroes. ( thats like kazzilllion hours of tv i lost in the past 2 years)

2.get a positive confirmation from the mother about releif teaching.

3.find a husband, get married, have kids, win the lottery and live in dubai.(in any order)

4.Figure out what the hell i want to do with my life if point 3 doesnt happen. So thats some soul searching.

5.Sort out my hospital internship thingamagic.

6.Start making my present for maziah

7.Sign up for some community service.

8.Say goodbye to all my exciting plans that i seriously thought i would pull through with this time ( or be more positive and pull through with em ) - yeap, settling for the latter

9. get together with Tim

10. plan the herritage tour

11. Read Read Read

12. clean

13. Meet up with tkgs peeps.

14. Meet up with cedar peeps

15 DRIVE

16 get famous on the internet by making videos. Sounds so dodgy, no? cal me *winks* No. dont. uh. call.

17 Meet up with the TJ people

18 Get some students

19 Sign up at persian wives.com. Heh.

20 Plan my bollywood partaaay

circus-mania

Hello hello. No, my A's are still not over. I still have about 7 hours before that happens. I'm sitting in starbucks, completing the very last bit of revision i've got to do for the very final a' level paper.It's like a tribute to starbucks and the two years of (fantastic) service. I was just thinking, i should have kept all my receipts from '06.I imagine it would amount to a MINIMUM of 500 bucks. Ive most definitly bought more than 50 drinks in the past 2 years. Lord, imagine all that money i could have saved.But then again, imagine all those days i would have spent as a miserable despondent thing deprived from caffeine. Imagine all those meetings and outings i wouldnt have gone on. And all that studying i wouldnt have completed. Nah, 500 dollars well spent. Most, definitely.

I'm here to say Britney's new Album Circus is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Very ala Blackout but i think the whole electronic pop adaptation she has going on is a really good sound.Other than womanizer which i'm sure most of you have heard, her songs 'rock me in" and "amnesia" are really catchy. Absolutely dance-able. Speaking of dancing, i cant wait to go dancing on the 1st of december. I cant beleive i actually kept my word and didnt go dancing since last year's new years party. Woohoo. Tj's post-prom is on the 1st of decemer at DXO. I know a few of you have been bugging me to get you cheaper tickets but it really doesnt make a difference if you buy at the door cos DXO has brought the price down to 20 bucks. So, COME.

Also, i have to revive that list of things i wanted to do since my PSLE ended.HAHA. Thats how deprived i am. I never complete these lists. In fact, i didnt even get started on the one from my O's. BUT this time, its going to be different. I want to go to Chor bazaar, i want to do some heritage exploring, i want to go on multiple picnncs, go for concerts and plays, do community service, and and and finally go to sentosa (which i've boycotted for years now). I think a few friends and myself should go on a mini holiday at sentosa. The rooms there are friigggin cheap and it'll be fun spending the day soaking up the sun and the nights partying at cafe del mar.

Aaaah.

Oh lord.Back to reality (and work). Freedom, here i come. :)

Im smiling my way through today and paper 4 is noy going to bring me down.
Yippee.

Much love,
farah

Hello.Goodbye.

Listening to the soft rock weekend, bombarded by memories from yesteryear a day before my last paper.

Oh, the ironies of life.

(Lord, look what copyright infringement has done to my playlist)




Like yesterday, when the sun came out and burned orange through the storm - just before it set. But then a perfect rainbow arched across my bedroom window. I guess in every change, something beautiful is borne.

I cant wait to see how everything falls into place. For all of us.

For now, im immersing my self in memories i dont want to lose.
So, i'll just keep remembering just in case they start to fade.

I'm impatient to start carving more memories

Much love,

Farah (:

hmphh

PAPER 4 is such a spoiler.

i guess im just going to have to ace it

Birth

Guess whos back ? Back again?

Farahs back.

Uh.

Tell some men.

Rub my back rub my back rub my...

I'm finally seeing the light cascading theough the fine canopy above. After using a machate to get this far through, the next two weeks really feels like a breeze. And after that, its freedom baby.

I feel completely ready to take on the world. I know what i want in most areas if my life - at least for the next 9 months or so.

I know what im looking for in a social aspect - the type of people i want to meet , the ones who i should prioritise and the ones i want to spend as much time as possible with.

I cant wait to start working and learning - learning things that ive put off for so long like learning Arabic , learning how to sew, baking and cooking.

I cant wait to throw get togethers just because i can.

And i cant wait to do some major soul-searching. Figuring out what i want to do with my life. What sort of career i want, where i want to live, where i want to settle down (gosh, im feeling old)

For now..

Ive got a beat im dancing to and its Dire Straits' Walk Of Life
Watch the video and get whistling :)
And tell me you dont feel positively FREE.

Much Love and Anticipation,

Farah

vote.

The End

Graduation was fantastic. The farewell concert was great :) ( The English department's skit and Lubna's poem being the hihlights).

I cant seem to take on a summative approach and articulate my emotions cos they are still pretty much an amalgam of sadness and excitement and there are just too many thoughts a float - so much so incoherence is a must.

I cannot beleive that two years have zoomed by and that SO much has happened in just two years. I cannot beleive that i know some of my friends for only 2years cos it feels like there was NEVER a first meeting. We were lifelong friends.

In another life, perhaps.

I really regret not gettin my act together and getting stuff and writting my messages down for friends and teachers but i cant seem to comprehend how it can possibly be OVER.

Anyway,
I feel extremely motivated and i think that today was a great start to my 20 days of hard-core, intensive mugging. I need this.
I will make it.
I have faith that we all will.

Lunch which followed was fantastic too- Although it has left me feeling very oily inside and out.( we went for korean food so we had to fry stuff). Also, we went in the craziest outfits. SO much fun.

Surprisingly, many people enjoyed mike's and i tongue-in-cheek list of important events. That was a really nice note to leave on.

I guess thats it for me.
Its me and the A's and i plan to whoop its ass so bad it wont know what hit it.

Yes, i am talking about an examination here.

Much Love,
Farah :)

Cos its just me & the A's

Just like John Lee Hooker,

I'm in the mood for love

And like the rolling stones,

I need you to start me up

cos

i'll never stop

examology

I've always had conversations in my head. As far as i know, its a common thing. The battle between the voice of reason and desire etc. Only thing is i just found out that it isnt normal to have about 7 voices at one go.

I grew up with the voices. How was i supossed to know that there were too many Farahs in my head?

Now, they wont go away.

They've found their own little crevices inside my mind, soul and body to manifest their own hopes and dreams. And i have to be objective and fair and let each of them have their own air time. Its the only right thing to do.

I'm not joking by the way.
They are there.
I just thought you guys should know that they exist.

(currently untittled)

I'm playing with candy ideas floating on

a cloud of snow in my mind.

I touch these glittering orbs of genius

and draw them out, honey-coated, sticky

and sweet.

They are glassy, malleable and

i attempt to manipulate them to suit

my whims and fancies.

They then grow long tentacles

reaching out to infinite possibility,

entangling themselves in a mess

like

freshly cokked spaghetti.

Scared, i fling them into the recesses

of my mind to be tugged at on a

later date.

With my pinky, i probe into

a corner of my imagination and find

another

creamy, cushioned, soft idea.

It smells like daffodills and lavenders

baked in the sun.

I squeeze it till it starts to

bleed

butterfilies that cloud my vision.

Distracted, i toss my fury ball of ideas

and then,

chase my rainbow-coloured,

dew-dropped, mango and oriental patterned

butterflies up

up

up

Mount Everest to reach

orange New Mexico

which reeks of diesel,

oil, lust and crime.

I cannot compartmentalise, organize,

label and chart my ideas in straight, pedantic

rows of sux and fours like you want me to.

You say its ideal but its unreal.

Just like my ideas.

Unreal. Imaginative. Infinite. and Wild.

They grow atop cherry trees

and orange bushes and slither

underneath persian rugs,

clinging onto aeroplanes that

swim

in the sea and

dive

into vast, expanssive desserts

only to find more places to explore,

uncontrollably,

unguidedly,

in a

frenzied,

perfect,

mess.

They are not fixed or stable.

They are volatile and excitable.

So please, dont ask me to silence

these peacocks which

fly

and

swim

and

cry

because i cannot silence what i cannot

control

and because caging my ideas

would mean

a sky

empty,

a sound

lost,

a mesage

unwritten

and Me

reduced to

another prototype in this static world of

black and white.

PS: they should have been borken up into stanzas but blogger is being a biatch. Jessica?

Back to Chem,

Much love,

Farah

Why this doesnt need a title.

Self explanatory. no?

Much love,

farah

bytheway: Chem was catastrophic.

you got my baby crying

Unlike the previous post, ive pretty much recovered ( although i was close to tears in starbucks just last night). Its an iffy issue. Either way, the prelims arent bugging as much right now probabaly because morning papers leave the illusion of a lot of time before the next paper. I mean , HEY, ive got at least 17 hours till the next paper. Thats loads of time.

As i said, an iffy issue.

After todays seemingly not so catastrophic physics paper, i decided to treat my self to post exam music ( you want to be starting something.. got to be starting soemthing..), food (LJ's fries) and drink ( bubble tea! ) although i am just getting started with my prelims.

Its all psychology , baby.

All i could hear during my paper was michael jackson playing on repeat in my head. Soon enough, i started my own little party. Just me, my pen and my work. So there i was, on stage - because i have extra time due to medical conditions - boogeying away and with a shimmy to the left and one more to the right, the paper was soon over!

Whoopee.

So of course, i got home took a break and here i am, in the last leg of my break to share with the world - the resident.

The residet. It sounds way too serious and full of pomp - that just doesnt exist. Its the name of a show and its thoroughly informative. im just going to leave one of her fun videos about global warming and americans' (ignorant) take(s) on it.

Enjoy:)




On to chemistry.
Much love,
Farah

cracks

Its the middle of my two week study break and i really can't imagine getting through the next seven days and then braving the following 14 days of papers.


I'm worried sick that i'll screw this up.


I'm tired and sleepy and i'm sick of living on coffee, chocolatte, msg and syrup.
4 hours of sleep just doesnt cut it anymore.


The worst part is having to get up everyday and the first thing i see is the wreck that is my room. Piles of papers, textbooks, notes, files, pens and highlighters.
Having to get up with a perpetual migrane and a frown permanently carved on my face.
Having to convince myself that i CAN do this and will pull through but i am so damn sick and tired of having to talk to myself like this.

I am sick and tired of work. Everything has turned nauseating. Even Shakespare. Now - thats a feat. Even when im taking time off to relax, i end up wallowing in self pity and frustration.

I need a walk. But its late. Ugh.

This post is getting me nowhere.
And Jordan Sparks sound more cliche than convincing. One step at a time. Hah. There isnt any time left.


What have i gotten myself into?!
Of course it doesnt help hearing teachers - two weeks before my prelims, mind you - telling me that the reason im not doing as well as i should be is because i'm in the wrong stream and no matter how much work i put in, i will never get great grades because i should be doing arts.

Gee, great timing woman.

Im tired. I should go complete my physics.
I feel disgustingly fat, teary and tired.




help.

three

Animation and one hellava guy.

Now supporting,
Cuck Fancer.
Much love,
Farah

Toothrot

Dilemma.

BIG dilemma.

So BIG, i'm taking time out to talk about it despite needing to do Othello.

Dilemma : Mint gives me gastric.

Toothpaste tastes minty.

Just brushed. But now i'm hungry.

Solution?

Cheese Sandwhich in bed.

I.dont.care.

But then again, i should care cos my lil' cousin Hannah who refuses to brush before bed just got 4 teeth pulled out at one go cos they were rotting.

Fine. I'll just take a pill to get rid of my gastric.

Drugs always solve everything.

Heyhey the face of Asia (ahem) finally has a page on the global yearbook website. Check. It. Out.

http://www.theglobalyearbook.com/where_is_it_now.html

Much love,

Farah

Old Train

I hope this old train breaks down,

then i could take a walk around.

The term - along with my time as a junior college student is drawing to a close and i find myself (typically) too wrapped up in the present sore (prelims) to be too upset.

In fact, its a much needed break. I need time out to get in to the familiar bubble of work, work, work.

The cogs are in place. I just need a little jab here and a small poke there to get these wheels churning.

The night oil's buring and the midnight man has taken mr sand man captive - much to the dismay of my 'bright eyes'.

Last saturday, i took a bow in front of a beautiful, intimate audience whose infectious energy and thunderous applause reminded me that the decision i made was the right one and that i only gained from keeping to my word and staying in the play. The play deserved an audience. We deserved an audience.

But as the lights dimmed for the final time, i felt the house lights go off in the recesses of my memory. I felt the curtains weigh down in my heart as a chapter closed , shut.

I remained embittered and wallowed in self pity for 20 odd hours and true enough the call that always ( and always will ) reigned supreme strapped me right back onto the seat of fate. I am catapulting in slow motion, free-wheeling and tumbling across acres of lined foolscap and velvet oceans of ink towards freedom.

Today, i was finally sated. Finally happy and satisfied to know that at least you care. And i am so happy you took the first step to ask and talk and rehash before we all go our seperate ways. I was surprised this came from you but then again , in retrospect, you're probably the most sensitive to people's feelings. Dont worry, i understand completely - no hard feelings whatsoever. I dont think i'll ever comprehend this situation but it doesnt bother me too much anymore.

Thank you.

And, finally, the Globalyearbook arrived. Now, i have 72 hours to get things penned, pasted and printed. 72 hours to call the press and get them involved and 72 hours to make my mark in the global community.

Perhaps i should go into communications and be the youngest entrepenuer to start a company solely focused on the development of intercontinental internet liasons.

It already sounds impressive.

Here's to 7 fast terms that skimmed past but managed to create large enough a crater to equate at least 5 years prior.

Here's to a goodbye and a hello again on a whole different stage.

Prelims, here i come.

And see what there is to see,

Time is just a melody.

Much Love,

Farah

Because...

we dont know who we are.






you dont know who i am





i dont know what i want






you dont understand what i need





and because i dont love you.

Back.

Back to life. Back to reality.

Such a daunting song. It hasnt stopped playing in my head since i crawled out from under the covers yesterday.Despite being daunting, i must say its a much needed reminder.



I'm over the post production tristesse - afterall, as i mentioned in the post before, i know it isnt the end. Yet.



Anyway, i needed to take a break from Chemistry and from the mundane daily cavort with teachers, classmates, friends and pens.After roaming my usual virtual hotspots, i was surprised to find myself rather convinced that facebook and youtube can be quite nauseating if you come back to it after being away for a while ( a while being a week - boy, am i a junkie).

So instead, i decided to do some research on this seminar at Yale that my aunt mentioned she is going to be attending. I found myself very drawn and interested and in all honesty, quite envious that her company is funding the whole trip ( this being just one of the many she constantly goes for). The students at Yale along with over 150 Christian and Muslim leaders ( 9 Jewish guests too, i beleive) are at a workshop closed to press and public called " A common Word" which is a unique lead-up to an open letter published in '07 which centers around the common commitment of both faiths to God and neighbour. A statement from Yale Divinity School says that they beleive " If Muslims and Christians, who together comprise more than half the world’s population, can acknowledge mutual commitment to loving God and loving neighbor the boost to a dynamic and peaceful interdependence in our globalized world would be immense."

Farfetched? Or Revolutionary? Its up to you to decide i guess.

I was just enthralled by the enthusiasm and astounded by the fantastic responses that this workshop is and has been receiving. Not to mention the endorsements from political and religious leaders alike. I wish we have more of these in Singapore. I guess that would be farfetched. Then again, anything is possible. This workshop seems to be an a appreciated glimmer of hope for peace. Amitha and I were just talking there other night about how the prospect of bringing a child into a world so corrupt by our oun selfish and greedy intentions doesnt seem too tempting. Maybe things can change. Maybe they will. Who knows.

Oh well. I better get going. Mum is still out of town. Grr. But im sure she'll be back anytime soon.

Its beck to my Chem TYS. Adieu, adieu. :)

Much love,

farah

wreck

I'm an emotional wreck. I feel completely lost and torn apart in a tumultous tsunami that was supposedly the end. I feel so hollow inside. Just like how madam felt hollow. Empty and just very, very tired.

You know, i thought i'd come here and force myself to get it all out. Force it all out and feel that familiar fake sense of satisfaction when im done. When the truth is, all i would be doing is emptying myself further, losing myself in a facade of calm.

So, no. I am not going to hurt myself and tear myself to bits.

Ive got bigger things to move on to.
And its not my A's.
Its my life.

Yesterday wasnt the end.
It was not closure. Because closure is not painful.

Im sticking to this;
" If its not alright, its not the end. And in the end, it will be alright. And what is alright is for you(me) to decide."

We're not done.
I'm not done.
Im just learning.

Much love,

farah

curtains down

We're going to be performing the full SYF peice for the final time tomorrow night. I'm terribly excited and more importantly, i'm hoping that every single other cast member is just as excited. The past few rehearsals have been emotionaly and mentally draining and theyve been, well, dissappointing - to say the least. But we have to bring it tomorrow. And i know we will bring it.

Since its 12:08AM, its techinically today so i can fish out my favourite line and say

" Today is going to be different. I know is going to be different. Its days like these that give me Hope."

Ive woven this quote into so many posts , its ridiculous.

Back to the performance, i've got a feeling its going to be an extraordinarily special one. And I must say, my feelings are rather reliable. Ive got the gut.

Speaking of feelings and gut, ive got this silly feeling inside. My hearts almost racing and ive got little happy cady butterflies fluttering about in my heart. Dont quite know why. Maybe im excited. Must be it.

(This is such a disjointed post!)

You know, I cant bare to leave this play. Ive learnt to love it so much. And ive learnt to love the people in it. And honestly, this is probably the last time i'm going to be acting. Im not really interested in pursuing it much further. I dont know. Maybe i'll get a degree one day and have speech and drama classes for little children at an exorbitant montesori center *evil chuckle*.

Sigh. I should be resting. I hope my costume dries by tomorrow =S

I know. Ms itchy fingers over here decided to wash it. I just cant wear it. Its dirrrrty.

One pair of candy lips, and, your bubble gum tongue.

Cos if you want love, we'll make it.

Swim in a deep sea of blankets,

Take all your big plans and break them

This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland.

Goodnight.

Much Love,

Farah :)

Khalas

Khalas - it means the end or finish in Arabic.

Thats is what a week ++ of talks by Shaykh Khalil Moore has boiled down to.

Khalas.

Following the film screening of Al-Ghazali; The Alchemist Of Happiniess and the talk before that about Sahykh's conversion to Islam from Catholocism in 94 (the journey of a seeker) , was the lecture on Sunday, a three day workshop for "The Seeker" or "The Sprirtual Aspirant", a ratib come lecture at Masjid Ba'alwi and finally the public lecture at Singapore Post about Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) entitled A rose in the dessert. All these talks proved to not only be immensely steeped in priceless information but through Sheikh's fantastic delivery and his magnetic quality and his inate ability to make almost anyone fall in love with him, he definitely was the remedy for my screaming soul and this spiritual aspirant. And i am devastated to have to face the fact that he is going back to the States. I cant imagine going through my day without looking forward to a magical, enriching, facinating night of meta-physical wonderment.

And i am so glad that i managed to at least share tonight with Aishah, Amira and Maziah amoung my other friends and cousins who turned up upon hearing about the fantastic speeches and lectures that Shaykh delivers.


Im just going to take a moment to note , yes, i dont normaly inject religion into my blog and sometimes i find it annoying myself when people delve into their religions and their righteousness in an overt manner but i really cant help it because i have never felt this immense yearning to get closer to God. So, excuse me. Normal, mundane posts of low-value will commence shortly after today's.

Back to this post, i can barely start to comprehend what is boiling within me and i pray that this is a start of something that will last and not pass off as a mere phase of sorts. Its time for me to make changes for afterall , life is so short and chasing after what this world has to offer will proove to be self-destructive in the long run. Mind you, im not saying that i will retreat into a cave and not come out till salvation but all i'm saying is i need to reevaluate my priorites despite the fact that its my a levels year because there will always be a way if i just work hard and strive and beleive.

this is time for change.

Im going to leave you with a quote that is applicable for anyone who beleives at least in an after-life or Hereafter.

" This world compared to the Hereafter is just like one of you dipping his finger in the ocean, looking at what it brings back. "

- Messenger of God.
Peace and blessings be upon Him

"Let not what you see of this world lure you away from the Hereafter that you do not see!"

- Jesus , our prophet
Peace and blessings be upon Him

For now, its back to studying - this time for Prelims instead. C'mon everyone. Its the last lap. Just the very last one.

Much love,

farah

PS; Since a couple of you asked for the links to Haroon ( Aaron) Sellers and Shaykh Khalil ( Christopher ) Moor's blogs, here they are.

Haroon's - http://www.sonofadam.com/Reflect/Welcome.html

Shaykh Khalil's - http://www.reflectonthis.com/

movement

Ive been yearning for this for quite a while. Some form of movement within me. Some sort of self-help and discovery into something i thought i knew.My soul has been and is screaming. And i am happy that things have changed. And i pray that they stay changed for good. Because i must beleive that everything doesnt happen by chance. And that there is really a reason behind this. And i dont want this to be another passing phase.



Please God, make this last. forever.



For the past two days, rather than relaxing like i planned, i have been and still am for the next week or so, immersing myself in numerous workshops, film screenings and talks hosted by Shaykh Khalil Moore.





I have not been so moved spiritually ever.



He has opened up my mind, eyes, soul and heart to so many things that i have taken for granted. And he has enlightened me. I've made a promise to myself that once im done with my A's , i'm going to become a lot more active at the convert's association.



Back to the film i caught last night. Boy, not only was the cinematography and acting beatiful but it was steeped in information and simply put, it was glorious. I really advice anyone and everyone to catch it. Spectacular.

I wish i could talk more on the change ive experienced, but i really havent got the time and i doubt i would be able to articulate myself sufficiently here.

Oh well, i guess its back to school in a day. GAH.

8 weeks , farah. 8 weeks.

Much love,

farah

'Tis over. For now.

Im done with the dreaded JCT's! WOOHOO.

I came home and cooked up some uber-fattening but scrumptious chocolatte fondue and now im a happy little green pig :)

Well, of course im dreading the results but for now, im going to bask in the glory of actually being able to get some sleep and smile a lil more.

I am starting the extended study hours on Monday which sucks and looking at my papers, i'm probably going to be down for remedials. Oh well.

anyway,

Its so good to finally get down to doing things that i planned to during the holidays like uploading old photos, catching up with emails that i have to reply, spending time resting etc.etc. Although i only have 3 days, imma make the most of them. What i really want to do is go to little india, fatten myself up and then go to chinatown and look at funky ancient shops. Ooh. I want to go visit arab st and go to the chor bazzar which means theives market. Its basically a whole field filled with second-hand(stolen) goods. :) Exciting much. But i'm probably going to keep that in view for post A levels.

And, bestie Mumtash is coming down in three days. That means intoxicated friends and good times. For a while.

Meanwhile, Its mom's birthday! I was going to buy her her gift yesterday but the damn shop was closed. I have to wait till the 1st of july. I felt horrible so i bought her roses, a peach tart with a candle on it and a small packet of cotton candy :) I made her a card too which had a picture of both of us on the front. 'Twas fun. We're going for dinner soon so i better run off and get pretty. My pictures are taking waaay too long to upload. No surprise though there are like 2000 or something. Im going to have to put them under a folder named " Half of '08". Oh well, perchance i might pop by wiht more photographs later. For now, im going to blast kenny loggin's Footloose cos there isnt a better song to let loose too :)

im finally feeling the holidays.

Much Love,

farah

Imagine

I love my its-way-too-large-for-anyone imagine sweater. Its going to be my companion over the next 6 days. Till then, i'll be scratching the papers down. Perhaps, i might get out of the country at the end of the JCTs. Perhaps, bintan. Im sure a little sun, sand and sea will do my body and brain some good. Till then, it looks like a stressful week ahead ( i cannot beleive its back to college! )

Today was fun. I had a date with the president of THESPIS maaaan. HAHA :)


OKAY. Till next week. JCTs , here i come

1.PC paper 4

2.General Paper

3.Mathematics

4.Chemistry

5.PC paper 1

6.Physics

Long train running,

Much love,

farah

Bright Lights

A mug of black tea. Water. The 80's grooves. Adrenaline. Feels like

we're heading back to the O's. I hope it stays this way. I like.

Much midnight oil,

Farah

Night

I cant believe how my life has turned into a soap opera. I never imagined us sitting, crying, praying in an embrace like that. Life is a big big test. Its a big, scandalous, blasphemous test. But we'll get through, somehow. I need to hold on. I cannot let go. Not this year.

Not now.

Not ever.

this song keeps playing over and over again in my head.

and i'll follow you into the dark,

Much Love,

farah

We.Don't.Need to say goodbye, tonight.

I love it when songs talk to you. Or at least, when you convince yourself that they are reaching out to you and its in no way pure chance or coincidence.See, i'm the type of person who completely lives for and through music. There is something facinating about how one can tune into any song at his/her own frequency and understand it the only way they choose to. Another thing that is able to do this, is apparently Jane Austen. I just watched the Jane Austen Bookclub. Two words: Must Watch!

Its was a lovely combination of wit and raw human emotions it was practicaly meta-connecting. Amitha and i are still having an ongoing discussion ( arguement ) about who the character Jocelyn represents - Darcy or Elizabeth. Now, we have been completely inspired to start a Jane Austen Bookclub of our own - once i graduate that it is, and if i get into NUS, itll be purrrfect :)

Moving on,

back to where i started, on the topic of songs, i've been hearing an awful lot of familiar songs in movies lately. Songs that are either special or have been special to me this past year or so. ( by special i mean a really important phase or memory attached to it ) Anyway, the sad thing is, while these songs inevitably evoke torrents of emotions, i can't seen to reel in its relevance and my frequency kind of gets deflected to a whole new physical plane of absolute emptyness. I made sense there, i promise.

So yes. Its sad i guess since im such a music junkie.

Alright. Im hoping my phone will be fixed by tomorrow. And i hereby promise to go get the phone and come straight home.

By the way, my revision is (as we speak) swirling down the manhole.

I think this has been a long enough post. My fingers are starting to feel arthiritic. Oh no.

Im feeling rather disjointed.

Just like my thoughts.

And emotions.

Disjointed.

In fact,

totally detached from me.

Just.

Gone.

We watch the season

Pull up it’s own stakes

And catch the last weekend

Of the last week

Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced

Another sun soaked season fades away

-dashboard confessional, stolen

Strain this chaos turn it into light

I've got to see you one last night

Before the lions take their share

Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere

- snow patrol, all i have

Goodbye moochahchoes.

Much Love,

Farah

lyrics stuck in my head

Angus and Julia Stone.

Living on a diet of Chocolates & Cigarettes
I wanna call you again
Ill drink tea sometimes when its cold
This is getting old
I call you again .
Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away
But one of these days
Ill grow old
And Ill grow brave and
Ill go
One of these days

Blowing out the candles from my cake
I choke on the smoke as I look around the room
Everybodys wishing for no more mistakes
And all that I can think about is you

Still too young to fail, to scared to sail away
But one of these days
Ill grow old
And Ill grow brave and
Ill go One of these days
La da la da la da

Still too young to fail,
to scared to sail away
But one of these days
Ill grow old
And Ill grow brave and
Ill go
One of these days
La da la da la da

Missing you, me, figaro and our cigarettes

Ive been a mess. I was on task. Now, im way behind. Also, I'm starting to get very affected. Perhaps, i have always been but i've been trying to keep it within me. But, im no superwoman. Im sorry you had to see me cry like that. On a lighter note, the new barista is yummy, hence, so is my coffee :D


Hearty haikus


I'm glad that i'm home
enough in Starbucks to kick
my pretty shoes off.


Take them off, and curl
on that dark, hard, teak chair and
feel comfortable.


Then, I'll drown in your
coffee eyes and earl grey lips
sighing brown sugar.


In my vanilla
cuppacino is your skin
-smooth cocoa butter.


Give your chocolatte
heart and i'll be your yummy,
hot, cinammon wife.


And, we'll have pudding
babies in a wafer house
filled with cream,cream,cream.


I'll stay till the last
sip and lick those wrinkled lips
no matter how stale.


At our funeral,
they'll sing only BB King
and sway to the blues.


And i promise to
meet you again without my
shoes on a wooden chair

Much love,

farah

ChompChomp

Well done drama :)

I owe this too the mardi gras cast and crew and maryam and amitha cos thay did a beyond brilliant job. I somehow don't want to blog about how spectacular it was cos i refuse to see closure of any sort.

All i can say is that i am so proud to have been given the chance to lead and live with this club and i don't ever want to leave it.

But that said, it is 18 days to my JCTs. Somehow, im kind off psyched about it. Perhaps, its cos ive been studying . Then again, i dont know how long i'll last. Ive already started falling ill :( * sneeze*

Also, I recently watched this film called Annie Hall. Its been aptly called a nervous romance. I couldn't have phrased it better so kudos to IMDb.:) It truly is a whimsical tale that'll appeal to neurotics and lovers alike. Its not only a laugh out loud type comedy but it has a sweet and warm nature about it while it still manages to appeal to the darker side of humour in human flaw. Key philosphical aspects were also weaved into the non-linear storyline that provokes the viewer to question their on lives and love. Charmingly characterised and scripted, its acted out by seasoned veterans ( not to seasoned at that point ) Dianne Keaton and Woody Allen. It also bagged 4 Oscars and 25 other wins ( that includes winning over my heart and soul ). So whoppeedoo for Annie Hall. Please, go watch it. Get your hands on the film somehow or bug me for it. If i trust you enough, i'll lend you the gem :)

Anyway, i have to go sleep this bug off. Or at least try to do so. I feel like placing a lighted match up my nose. Grrr.

Toodles one and all.

Much Love,

Farah

satisfaction

We are talking about

With honours

Much Love,

Farah.

Insane.

I'm just feeling a little insane.

Just a little.

Crazy.

Just too excited.
Just too anxious.
Just too many emotions to handle.


We were supposed to get our SYF results today but because of some glitches, the teachers promised to give em to us tomorrow.


Which is fine.
Well, not FINE, but okay. I'll suvive.


until...

Peices of random information (which Ms N says is specualtion but i highly doubt it) start to cascade in.


Adding to the turmoil already caused by the carnivorous butterflies in my tummy that have been on a rampage for the past 35 hours.


Back to the mysterious information....


4 schools got Gold with honours.
So far, we only know that RJ has got Gold With Honours.
AC got Gold.
Meridian got Gold.
And Yishun got Bronze.
Congrats to All. :)


And then,
a brilliant teacher changed his status on facebook and decided to congratulate the drama club on the results they have yet to receive.


As i was saying.
Just feeling a little.
Crazy.
Just feeling a little.
Insane.


I am not studying for the test because i bloody can't.
I'm going to sew instead. Because that is what Madam does. Sew.
Apparently, its what Farah does too.

Results
in 6 hours.
5 hours 59 minutes...
5 hours 58 minutes...
Much Anxious Heart-racing Gastric Inducing Nail-Biting Love,
Madam/Farah.

RESULTS

Anticipation feels like carnivorous butterflies gnawing your insides and a gnome hanging on your back.

Hypervantilating.

Help.

GAAAAAAH.

much HOPE

love

farah

Superwoman Genetics

Its unhealthy, this Superwoman Syndrome.

She needs to see that she cannot always be the superwoman.

She needs to take time for herself.

She needs to breathe and pace herself.

I wish she would see that she has raised me to be a mini version of herself.

And, boy, am i proud to say that.

Because she is amazing.

But, she needs to slow down.

Because, i'm fine, really.

I'm just a little, well, scared.

reminder

farah, do your chem NOW.

But i can't.

why?

cos i'm distracted.

with what?

with this conversation.

moron.

said you going to be starting something.

shuttup.

grumbles.


study.now.


but i want to kno..

zippit


i just want.


zip.


i want to mamse mamasa memakosah.

Madam Waves At The Door

It's days like these that give me hope.

- Madam

All, i have to say is that i am overflowing with pride and i am overwhelmed with emotions. I cannot beleive that it is over!:( But, i am grateful for every second we spent together as a cast, as a club, toiling and working towards today. Because, it paid off.

SYF, was brilliant. I'm not taking a competative angle on this because, quite frankly, it doesnt matter. All that matters is that i have seen my juniors mature into dedicated actors who prize process the way i've learnt to. I have seen myself and my coactors grow and learn together, overcoming the most ridiculous and tiresome trials and tribulations that i could never fathom i'd have to face. Its been such a rewarding journey. And i am so thankful that i have been blessed with a cast, crew, EXCO, teachers, director and a stage manager that is out of this world. The dedication and love i have experienced is overwhelming and now, i feel rather lost without the rock that drama has been for me.

I love all of you.

Boy, am i counting my blessings.

Dearest EXCO,

I LOVE YOU. And, thank you. I cannot imagine my year 2 without you guys. And, as my term as a President comes to a close, i am happy to say that i think, no, i am sure, we have done a brilliant job. We have showered this club with all the love and care that it deserves and the deication each and every one of you has shown has inspired me to hang on and give the way you do. You guys are the best.

Hugs.

For now, as anjana says, i've got the post-production blues ( and one bitch of a migraine to go with it). I implore anjana to write a bluesy song entitled " the post-production blues" and leon can accompany her on the TMD piano ;)

i love you cherry cupcakes,

till the next time,

much love,

farah.

i mean,

madam :)

Doodle

Aloha oompaloompas.

Today was absolutely exhausting. But Thai food is always the remedy for emotional trauma. So its all good. The weather is completely weighing me down. I cant fight it. Im giving in to this liquid lethargy. Speaking of lethargy , i got scolded 3 times by a random octogenarian in a bus cos i kept falling asleep on him. I was so annoyed. Kinda tickled in retrospect. Drama rehearsals were good. Well, seeing our progress and how the play has come together rather beautifuly, i'm proud of every one of us. Especially the crew. They are AMAZING.

Anywhooo,

Im going to chill out today and catch up with my work here and there. Im really not going to push myself if im not up to it. Afterall, its three days to syf. And if i am going to get worried about my work, it'll affect my energy and that would be, well, disaster.

Alright i am going to toodle off to shower land. But for now, imma leave you with loverly videos from the 80's. I am such an 80's demon child. (haha) Cant wait for the 80's party!! :)

Ciao!

Much Love,

Farah

memories

My immune system has failed me once again.

But, managed to study and practice one really big chapter of physics so, hallelujah!

AND i watched a lovely movie - wedding daze. Its nothing to get all rah-rahed about. It was just heart warming.

Also, i was clearing the files on my com and came across all the midsummer night pics and vids from last year.
Boy, does it feel like it was all AGES ago. In fact, it doesnt even qualify as a year ago. More like 10 months ago. Its crazy , the number of things that can happen in ten months.

Anyway, now i'm all nostalgic.
Especially after watching the video Mike had put together for Farewell. All those memories just came flooding back . I can still remember how we all felt such a great sense of ownership. How it really felt like a marvelous dream for so many of us. All that hard work paying off. And all those beautiful memories to cherish forever.

Sigh.

Memoriess all alone in the moooonliggghhhttt.
Excuse me - its the antibiotics kicking in.

ANYWHOO
For those of you who did'nt see the farewell video, enjoy.

Ta-Raa!

See you chocolate muffins when i do.

love,

farah

humpfry

I like the tittle of my blog post. So unrelated to anything.

Besides THAT, i am so sorry for not updating my blog. I guess i've been awfully busy with drama and studies. so yes. excuse moi.

Anyway,

this post isnt too inspired either. In fact, its going to be another narcissitic post that will not provide even an ounce entertainment.

First things first, drama is getting along fine. Im really happy with our progress but SYF is in 14 days and our first performance is next Tuesday, so its past crunch time. Its time to (and i quote) " eat, shit, sleep and live drama ". Wise, indeed.

Secondly, i finally rode on a Harley! How awesome is that. But, i burnt my leg pretty badly on te exhaust pipe. Everyone i asked told me to go to the doctors. But i really don't want to do that. So for now, i am following Karan's and Anjana's advice by treating it with ice and salt. The salt makes is itch and hurt like a bitch. Ouch.

Studies are well, withering. But i have hope and faith that'll be fine. Soon.

Becuase,

Today Charlie. Today, is going to be different. I know its going to be different. It's days like these that give me hope.

-Madam

Signing off,

Farah on Fire.

these open doors

i have hope that we can break these vicious cycles.
i have hope that we will say what needs to be said.
i have hope we can reach across the globe and free the souls trapped by our selfish habits and ignorance.
i have hope that one day, i can make a difference.
i have hope that one day we might heal.
i have hope that one day, you wont cry.
i have hope that we can kill the largest trade in the world.
i have hope that one day, we will love.
i have hope. faith. and choice.


13 000 000 children shouldn't be orphaned because of ONE disease
how about love?

Sneeze

My immune system has collapsed.
Just as i predicted.
Though, it didnt collapse as badly as i hoped.
Yes, that sounds like a completely idiotic thing to say.
BUT, within reason.
You see, if it completely collapses, i'll be forced into rest.
And since it collapsed - but not enough to make me submit to bed and tea,
i'll still be working and studying while i recuperate.
My rhinitis makes me sound like baby Horton.
URGH.
Someone call Mr postman please.
Okay,
I'm going to write an essay now.
So much for rest.
BYEBYE sugar cupcakes.
Love,
Farah :(

wheeeee

FIRST, read the post before this about maroon 5.

Then, watch this video that Jesse took and look out for me.It's on Maroon5's official youtube channel.Wheeee.

'm right in front. And i'm the girl who says "hi" right before jesse says " i gotta go, bye".

Thou can see me at 0:19, at 0:30 ( being a complete loser attempting to get a pic of Adam) and at 0:39 till 0:41 ( looking terribly unGlam and saying Hi to the camera)

SO SEXITING!

Haha.

Drama. Gotta go. :)

Totally Stoked,

Farah:)

groupie extravaganza

"Please don't leave. Stay in bed. Touch my body instead."


And at this point a solitary finger trails across Adam Levine's sexy chest and i am throttled into a hormonal-frenzy.



The man is officialy THE sex symbol of the century. That voice. Those eyes. Those hands. Those words.That body. That dancing. Sigh.


Tonight was a blast. And to top it all off, Ms Groupie of the Year; Your's truly, actualy met Adam Levine, the frontman of Maroon5 up close. I freaking touched him. AAAAAH.



It feels so surreal. To see Maroon 5 in concert was already a dream come true. To actually touch Mr Hotstuff and get his autograph is out of this world.


The concert was fantabulous. The sound system was great. No hiccups or tech-errors. The lighting was fab. And the performance was flawless. Maroon 5 has proven to me that they sound even better live. Adam's passion and energy was incredibly infectious. As soon as he got on stage, girls everywhere ( i'm quite sure some guys here and there too ) started screaming their lungs dry.

"Adam I love you! Marry ME! KISS ME! "

Im not going to complain. Im guilty of the futile shouting and silly screaming too :)


The top 5 moments during the concert would be ( in no specific order )

1. His solitary finger across his chest

2. Adam lifting up his shirt

3. Singing Nothing lasts Forever

4. Singing She will be loved

5. Adam pointing to the 5 of us with posters while singing and shaking his very irresistable bonbons.



There are really no words that could do justice to what i'm feeling right now.. other than... TRALALALALA.


The only negative point was that the concert was waaaaay too short. I think it lasted no more than an hour and a half. Probably way less. And there was no cheering for an encore once the band got off stage. The end was very abrupt. And the song "Sweetest Goodbye" was not the finale song. It was so abrupt , i can't even remember what the finale song was. :(


But that aside, Maroon 5 is definitely an act to catch.They are captivating, entertaining and as i've said a million times, they have a frontman who IS the SEX .



Groupie Of The Year




Fellow Groupies

Up close and Personal with the SEX

The SEX's autograph :)

Dazed, Hot and Bothered,

As Maziah would put it,

Farah Levine.