Toothrot

Dilemma.

BIG dilemma.

So BIG, i'm taking time out to talk about it despite needing to do Othello.

Dilemma : Mint gives me gastric.

Toothpaste tastes minty.

Just brushed. But now i'm hungry.

Solution?

Cheese Sandwhich in bed.

I.dont.care.

But then again, i should care cos my lil' cousin Hannah who refuses to brush before bed just got 4 teeth pulled out at one go cos they were rotting.

Fine. I'll just take a pill to get rid of my gastric.

Drugs always solve everything.

Heyhey the face of Asia (ahem) finally has a page on the global yearbook website. Check. It. Out.

http://www.theglobalyearbook.com/where_is_it_now.html

Much love,

Farah

Old Train

I hope this old train breaks down,

then i could take a walk around.

The term - along with my time as a junior college student is drawing to a close and i find myself (typically) too wrapped up in the present sore (prelims) to be too upset.

In fact, its a much needed break. I need time out to get in to the familiar bubble of work, work, work.

The cogs are in place. I just need a little jab here and a small poke there to get these wheels churning.

The night oil's buring and the midnight man has taken mr sand man captive - much to the dismay of my 'bright eyes'.

Last saturday, i took a bow in front of a beautiful, intimate audience whose infectious energy and thunderous applause reminded me that the decision i made was the right one and that i only gained from keeping to my word and staying in the play. The play deserved an audience. We deserved an audience.

But as the lights dimmed for the final time, i felt the house lights go off in the recesses of my memory. I felt the curtains weigh down in my heart as a chapter closed , shut.

I remained embittered and wallowed in self pity for 20 odd hours and true enough the call that always ( and always will ) reigned supreme strapped me right back onto the seat of fate. I am catapulting in slow motion, free-wheeling and tumbling across acres of lined foolscap and velvet oceans of ink towards freedom.

Today, i was finally sated. Finally happy and satisfied to know that at least you care. And i am so happy you took the first step to ask and talk and rehash before we all go our seperate ways. I was surprised this came from you but then again , in retrospect, you're probably the most sensitive to people's feelings. Dont worry, i understand completely - no hard feelings whatsoever. I dont think i'll ever comprehend this situation but it doesnt bother me too much anymore.

Thank you.

And, finally, the Globalyearbook arrived. Now, i have 72 hours to get things penned, pasted and printed. 72 hours to call the press and get them involved and 72 hours to make my mark in the global community.

Perhaps i should go into communications and be the youngest entrepenuer to start a company solely focused on the development of intercontinental internet liasons.

It already sounds impressive.

Here's to 7 fast terms that skimmed past but managed to create large enough a crater to equate at least 5 years prior.

Here's to a goodbye and a hello again on a whole different stage.

Prelims, here i come.

And see what there is to see,

Time is just a melody.

Much Love,

Farah

Because...

we dont know who we are.






you dont know who i am





i dont know what i want






you dont understand what i need





and because i dont love you.

Back.

Back to life. Back to reality.

Such a daunting song. It hasnt stopped playing in my head since i crawled out from under the covers yesterday.Despite being daunting, i must say its a much needed reminder.



I'm over the post production tristesse - afterall, as i mentioned in the post before, i know it isnt the end. Yet.



Anyway, i needed to take a break from Chemistry and from the mundane daily cavort with teachers, classmates, friends and pens.After roaming my usual virtual hotspots, i was surprised to find myself rather convinced that facebook and youtube can be quite nauseating if you come back to it after being away for a while ( a while being a week - boy, am i a junkie).

So instead, i decided to do some research on this seminar at Yale that my aunt mentioned she is going to be attending. I found myself very drawn and interested and in all honesty, quite envious that her company is funding the whole trip ( this being just one of the many she constantly goes for). The students at Yale along with over 150 Christian and Muslim leaders ( 9 Jewish guests too, i beleive) are at a workshop closed to press and public called " A common Word" which is a unique lead-up to an open letter published in '07 which centers around the common commitment of both faiths to God and neighbour. A statement from Yale Divinity School says that they beleive " If Muslims and Christians, who together comprise more than half the world’s population, can acknowledge mutual commitment to loving God and loving neighbor the boost to a dynamic and peaceful interdependence in our globalized world would be immense."

Farfetched? Or Revolutionary? Its up to you to decide i guess.

I was just enthralled by the enthusiasm and astounded by the fantastic responses that this workshop is and has been receiving. Not to mention the endorsements from political and religious leaders alike. I wish we have more of these in Singapore. I guess that would be farfetched. Then again, anything is possible. This workshop seems to be an a appreciated glimmer of hope for peace. Amitha and I were just talking there other night about how the prospect of bringing a child into a world so corrupt by our oun selfish and greedy intentions doesnt seem too tempting. Maybe things can change. Maybe they will. Who knows.

Oh well. I better get going. Mum is still out of town. Grr. But im sure she'll be back anytime soon.

Its beck to my Chem TYS. Adieu, adieu. :)

Much love,

farah

wreck

I'm an emotional wreck. I feel completely lost and torn apart in a tumultous tsunami that was supposedly the end. I feel so hollow inside. Just like how madam felt hollow. Empty and just very, very tired.

You know, i thought i'd come here and force myself to get it all out. Force it all out and feel that familiar fake sense of satisfaction when im done. When the truth is, all i would be doing is emptying myself further, losing myself in a facade of calm.

So, no. I am not going to hurt myself and tear myself to bits.

Ive got bigger things to move on to.
And its not my A's.
Its my life.

Yesterday wasnt the end.
It was not closure. Because closure is not painful.

Im sticking to this;
" If its not alright, its not the end. And in the end, it will be alright. And what is alright is for you(me) to decide."

We're not done.
I'm not done.
Im just learning.

Much love,

farah

curtains down

We're going to be performing the full SYF peice for the final time tomorrow night. I'm terribly excited and more importantly, i'm hoping that every single other cast member is just as excited. The past few rehearsals have been emotionaly and mentally draining and theyve been, well, dissappointing - to say the least. But we have to bring it tomorrow. And i know we will bring it.

Since its 12:08AM, its techinically today so i can fish out my favourite line and say

" Today is going to be different. I know is going to be different. Its days like these that give me Hope."

Ive woven this quote into so many posts , its ridiculous.

Back to the performance, i've got a feeling its going to be an extraordinarily special one. And I must say, my feelings are rather reliable. Ive got the gut.

Speaking of feelings and gut, ive got this silly feeling inside. My hearts almost racing and ive got little happy cady butterflies fluttering about in my heart. Dont quite know why. Maybe im excited. Must be it.

(This is such a disjointed post!)

You know, I cant bare to leave this play. Ive learnt to love it so much. And ive learnt to love the people in it. And honestly, this is probably the last time i'm going to be acting. Im not really interested in pursuing it much further. I dont know. Maybe i'll get a degree one day and have speech and drama classes for little children at an exorbitant montesori center *evil chuckle*.

Sigh. I should be resting. I hope my costume dries by tomorrow =S

I know. Ms itchy fingers over here decided to wash it. I just cant wear it. Its dirrrrty.

One pair of candy lips, and, your bubble gum tongue.

Cos if you want love, we'll make it.

Swim in a deep sea of blankets,

Take all your big plans and break them

This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland.

Goodnight.

Much Love,

Farah :)

Khalas

Khalas - it means the end or finish in Arabic.

Thats is what a week ++ of talks by Shaykh Khalil Moore has boiled down to.

Khalas.

Following the film screening of Al-Ghazali; The Alchemist Of Happiniess and the talk before that about Sahykh's conversion to Islam from Catholocism in 94 (the journey of a seeker) , was the lecture on Sunday, a three day workshop for "The Seeker" or "The Sprirtual Aspirant", a ratib come lecture at Masjid Ba'alwi and finally the public lecture at Singapore Post about Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) entitled A rose in the dessert. All these talks proved to not only be immensely steeped in priceless information but through Sheikh's fantastic delivery and his magnetic quality and his inate ability to make almost anyone fall in love with him, he definitely was the remedy for my screaming soul and this spiritual aspirant. And i am devastated to have to face the fact that he is going back to the States. I cant imagine going through my day without looking forward to a magical, enriching, facinating night of meta-physical wonderment.

And i am so glad that i managed to at least share tonight with Aishah, Amira and Maziah amoung my other friends and cousins who turned up upon hearing about the fantastic speeches and lectures that Shaykh delivers.


Im just going to take a moment to note , yes, i dont normaly inject religion into my blog and sometimes i find it annoying myself when people delve into their religions and their righteousness in an overt manner but i really cant help it because i have never felt this immense yearning to get closer to God. So, excuse me. Normal, mundane posts of low-value will commence shortly after today's.

Back to this post, i can barely start to comprehend what is boiling within me and i pray that this is a start of something that will last and not pass off as a mere phase of sorts. Its time for me to make changes for afterall , life is so short and chasing after what this world has to offer will proove to be self-destructive in the long run. Mind you, im not saying that i will retreat into a cave and not come out till salvation but all i'm saying is i need to reevaluate my priorites despite the fact that its my a levels year because there will always be a way if i just work hard and strive and beleive.

this is time for change.

Im going to leave you with a quote that is applicable for anyone who beleives at least in an after-life or Hereafter.

" This world compared to the Hereafter is just like one of you dipping his finger in the ocean, looking at what it brings back. "

- Messenger of God.
Peace and blessings be upon Him

"Let not what you see of this world lure you away from the Hereafter that you do not see!"

- Jesus , our prophet
Peace and blessings be upon Him

For now, its back to studying - this time for Prelims instead. C'mon everyone. Its the last lap. Just the very last one.

Much love,

farah

PS; Since a couple of you asked for the links to Haroon ( Aaron) Sellers and Shaykh Khalil ( Christopher ) Moor's blogs, here they are.

Haroon's - http://www.sonofadam.com/Reflect/Welcome.html

Shaykh Khalil's - http://www.reflectonthis.com/