Back.

Back to life. Back to reality.

Such a daunting song. It hasnt stopped playing in my head since i crawled out from under the covers yesterday.Despite being daunting, i must say its a much needed reminder.



I'm over the post production tristesse - afterall, as i mentioned in the post before, i know it isnt the end. Yet.



Anyway, i needed to take a break from Chemistry and from the mundane daily cavort with teachers, classmates, friends and pens.After roaming my usual virtual hotspots, i was surprised to find myself rather convinced that facebook and youtube can be quite nauseating if you come back to it after being away for a while ( a while being a week - boy, am i a junkie).

So instead, i decided to do some research on this seminar at Yale that my aunt mentioned she is going to be attending. I found myself very drawn and interested and in all honesty, quite envious that her company is funding the whole trip ( this being just one of the many she constantly goes for). The students at Yale along with over 150 Christian and Muslim leaders ( 9 Jewish guests too, i beleive) are at a workshop closed to press and public called " A common Word" which is a unique lead-up to an open letter published in '07 which centers around the common commitment of both faiths to God and neighbour. A statement from Yale Divinity School says that they beleive " If Muslims and Christians, who together comprise more than half the world’s population, can acknowledge mutual commitment to loving God and loving neighbor the boost to a dynamic and peaceful interdependence in our globalized world would be immense."

Farfetched? Or Revolutionary? Its up to you to decide i guess.

I was just enthralled by the enthusiasm and astounded by the fantastic responses that this workshop is and has been receiving. Not to mention the endorsements from political and religious leaders alike. I wish we have more of these in Singapore. I guess that would be farfetched. Then again, anything is possible. This workshop seems to be an a appreciated glimmer of hope for peace. Amitha and I were just talking there other night about how the prospect of bringing a child into a world so corrupt by our oun selfish and greedy intentions doesnt seem too tempting. Maybe things can change. Maybe they will. Who knows.

Oh well. I better get going. Mum is still out of town. Grr. But im sure she'll be back anytime soon.

Its beck to my Chem TYS. Adieu, adieu. :)

Much love,

farah

wreck

I'm an emotional wreck. I feel completely lost and torn apart in a tumultous tsunami that was supposedly the end. I feel so hollow inside. Just like how madam felt hollow. Empty and just very, very tired.

You know, i thought i'd come here and force myself to get it all out. Force it all out and feel that familiar fake sense of satisfaction when im done. When the truth is, all i would be doing is emptying myself further, losing myself in a facade of calm.

So, no. I am not going to hurt myself and tear myself to bits.

Ive got bigger things to move on to.
And its not my A's.
Its my life.

Yesterday wasnt the end.
It was not closure. Because closure is not painful.

Im sticking to this;
" If its not alright, its not the end. And in the end, it will be alright. And what is alright is for you(me) to decide."

We're not done.
I'm not done.
Im just learning.

Much love,

farah

curtains down

We're going to be performing the full SYF peice for the final time tomorrow night. I'm terribly excited and more importantly, i'm hoping that every single other cast member is just as excited. The past few rehearsals have been emotionaly and mentally draining and theyve been, well, dissappointing - to say the least. But we have to bring it tomorrow. And i know we will bring it.

Since its 12:08AM, its techinically today so i can fish out my favourite line and say

" Today is going to be different. I know is going to be different. Its days like these that give me Hope."

Ive woven this quote into so many posts , its ridiculous.

Back to the performance, i've got a feeling its going to be an extraordinarily special one. And I must say, my feelings are rather reliable. Ive got the gut.

Speaking of feelings and gut, ive got this silly feeling inside. My hearts almost racing and ive got little happy cady butterflies fluttering about in my heart. Dont quite know why. Maybe im excited. Must be it.

(This is such a disjointed post!)

You know, I cant bare to leave this play. Ive learnt to love it so much. And ive learnt to love the people in it. And honestly, this is probably the last time i'm going to be acting. Im not really interested in pursuing it much further. I dont know. Maybe i'll get a degree one day and have speech and drama classes for little children at an exorbitant montesori center *evil chuckle*.

Sigh. I should be resting. I hope my costume dries by tomorrow =S

I know. Ms itchy fingers over here decided to wash it. I just cant wear it. Its dirrrrty.

One pair of candy lips, and, your bubble gum tongue.

Cos if you want love, we'll make it.

Swim in a deep sea of blankets,

Take all your big plans and break them

This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland.

Goodnight.

Much Love,

Farah :)

Khalas

Khalas - it means the end or finish in Arabic.

Thats is what a week ++ of talks by Shaykh Khalil Moore has boiled down to.

Khalas.

Following the film screening of Al-Ghazali; The Alchemist Of Happiniess and the talk before that about Sahykh's conversion to Islam from Catholocism in 94 (the journey of a seeker) , was the lecture on Sunday, a three day workshop for "The Seeker" or "The Sprirtual Aspirant", a ratib come lecture at Masjid Ba'alwi and finally the public lecture at Singapore Post about Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) entitled A rose in the dessert. All these talks proved to not only be immensely steeped in priceless information but through Sheikh's fantastic delivery and his magnetic quality and his inate ability to make almost anyone fall in love with him, he definitely was the remedy for my screaming soul and this spiritual aspirant. And i am devastated to have to face the fact that he is going back to the States. I cant imagine going through my day without looking forward to a magical, enriching, facinating night of meta-physical wonderment.

And i am so glad that i managed to at least share tonight with Aishah, Amira and Maziah amoung my other friends and cousins who turned up upon hearing about the fantastic speeches and lectures that Shaykh delivers.


Im just going to take a moment to note , yes, i dont normaly inject religion into my blog and sometimes i find it annoying myself when people delve into their religions and their righteousness in an overt manner but i really cant help it because i have never felt this immense yearning to get closer to God. So, excuse me. Normal, mundane posts of low-value will commence shortly after today's.

Back to this post, i can barely start to comprehend what is boiling within me and i pray that this is a start of something that will last and not pass off as a mere phase of sorts. Its time for me to make changes for afterall , life is so short and chasing after what this world has to offer will proove to be self-destructive in the long run. Mind you, im not saying that i will retreat into a cave and not come out till salvation but all i'm saying is i need to reevaluate my priorites despite the fact that its my a levels year because there will always be a way if i just work hard and strive and beleive.

this is time for change.

Im going to leave you with a quote that is applicable for anyone who beleives at least in an after-life or Hereafter.

" This world compared to the Hereafter is just like one of you dipping his finger in the ocean, looking at what it brings back. "

- Messenger of God.
Peace and blessings be upon Him

"Let not what you see of this world lure you away from the Hereafter that you do not see!"

- Jesus , our prophet
Peace and blessings be upon Him

For now, its back to studying - this time for Prelims instead. C'mon everyone. Its the last lap. Just the very last one.

Much love,

farah

PS; Since a couple of you asked for the links to Haroon ( Aaron) Sellers and Shaykh Khalil ( Christopher ) Moor's blogs, here they are.

Haroon's - http://www.sonofadam.com/Reflect/Welcome.html

Shaykh Khalil's - http://www.reflectonthis.com/

movement

Ive been yearning for this for quite a while. Some form of movement within me. Some sort of self-help and discovery into something i thought i knew.My soul has been and is screaming. And i am happy that things have changed. And i pray that they stay changed for good. Because i must beleive that everything doesnt happen by chance. And that there is really a reason behind this. And i dont want this to be another passing phase.



Please God, make this last. forever.



For the past two days, rather than relaxing like i planned, i have been and still am for the next week or so, immersing myself in numerous workshops, film screenings and talks hosted by Shaykh Khalil Moore.





I have not been so moved spiritually ever.



He has opened up my mind, eyes, soul and heart to so many things that i have taken for granted. And he has enlightened me. I've made a promise to myself that once im done with my A's , i'm going to become a lot more active at the convert's association.



Back to the film i caught last night. Boy, not only was the cinematography and acting beatiful but it was steeped in information and simply put, it was glorious. I really advice anyone and everyone to catch it. Spectacular.

I wish i could talk more on the change ive experienced, but i really havent got the time and i doubt i would be able to articulate myself sufficiently here.

Oh well, i guess its back to school in a day. GAH.

8 weeks , farah. 8 weeks.

Much love,

farah

'Tis over. For now.

Im done with the dreaded JCT's! WOOHOO.

I came home and cooked up some uber-fattening but scrumptious chocolatte fondue and now im a happy little green pig :)

Well, of course im dreading the results but for now, im going to bask in the glory of actually being able to get some sleep and smile a lil more.

I am starting the extended study hours on Monday which sucks and looking at my papers, i'm probably going to be down for remedials. Oh well.

anyway,

Its so good to finally get down to doing things that i planned to during the holidays like uploading old photos, catching up with emails that i have to reply, spending time resting etc.etc. Although i only have 3 days, imma make the most of them. What i really want to do is go to little india, fatten myself up and then go to chinatown and look at funky ancient shops. Ooh. I want to go visit arab st and go to the chor bazzar which means theives market. Its basically a whole field filled with second-hand(stolen) goods. :) Exciting much. But i'm probably going to keep that in view for post A levels.

And, bestie Mumtash is coming down in three days. That means intoxicated friends and good times. For a while.

Meanwhile, Its mom's birthday! I was going to buy her her gift yesterday but the damn shop was closed. I have to wait till the 1st of july. I felt horrible so i bought her roses, a peach tart with a candle on it and a small packet of cotton candy :) I made her a card too which had a picture of both of us on the front. 'Twas fun. We're going for dinner soon so i better run off and get pretty. My pictures are taking waaay too long to upload. No surprise though there are like 2000 or something. Im going to have to put them under a folder named " Half of '08". Oh well, perchance i might pop by wiht more photographs later. For now, im going to blast kenny loggin's Footloose cos there isnt a better song to let loose too :)

im finally feeling the holidays.

Much Love,

farah

Imagine

I love my its-way-too-large-for-anyone imagine sweater. Its going to be my companion over the next 6 days. Till then, i'll be scratching the papers down. Perhaps, i might get out of the country at the end of the JCTs. Perhaps, bintan. Im sure a little sun, sand and sea will do my body and brain some good. Till then, it looks like a stressful week ahead ( i cannot beleive its back to college! )

Today was fun. I had a date with the president of THESPIS maaaan. HAHA :)


OKAY. Till next week. JCTs , here i come

1.PC paper 4

2.General Paper

3.Mathematics

4.Chemistry

5.PC paper 1

6.Physics

Long train running,

Much love,

farah