Shook It All Night Long

Ive got my mojo back.

Its BACK.

BACK

BACK

BACK with a blood curdling BANG :)

hee.

Moving on from the previous post, im apparently in a better state. But hey like i said, there are up days and down days.

Meanwhile, to that special friend out there.

I hope things clear up.

I know it sounds impossible now, but things always clear up.

And till then, ill help you see and feel and i dont want you to ever forget

that im here.

Me, your simple freind, with no perogative

except to make you smile and laugh the way

you used to a long, long time ago.

And to another special friend,

happy, happy, happy

birthday.

Its your last teen year.

Enjoy it.

Then again, i know you'll always stay

as young and free as you always have been for the past

12 years that i've known you for.

And I'm sorry if i dont stop to ask if you are okay often enough.

Most of the times, you help me to see the bright side of my life

and you keep me happy and laughing practically 90percent of our time together,

i forget you get upset too.

Im always here to lift you up when youre down.

It really is you who is the balloon in this relationship.

A big yellow balloon that makes my heart soar

and fills my throat with helium and laughing gas :)

Till i see you little pink frogs on the other side,

Much love,

the girl with the mojo back ( after so damn long ).

farah :)

Innerdemons

Im just so freaking tired. I cant handle anymore. And i keep telling myself that i cant handle it anymore but then i pick myself up and i handle it. But im sick of falling and picking myself up. Im sick of this very unheatlhy cycle. Im sick of hurting. Im sick of crying. And most of all, im sick of hearing but not listening. I cannot listen anymore. My ears burn. And i dont mean metaphorically.They hurt and ring. And all i hear when i lie down to sleep, is your voice. Your voice that is saying sorry. Or your voice that is saying youre hurt. Or the voice that is comforting me. I cannot listen anymore. And the hardest part of today is hearing you say that you feel that you have noone. Because i hate to break it to you, the only one who has noone is ME. I dont even know who I am anymore because ive invested all of myself into becoming someone who is there for everyone but absent from herself - if that even makes sense.

And the ironic thing is, i know that in say 4 hours time, ill be back to being a rock. And you'll be there, being sweet and loving, watching television with me. When in reality, both of us are seeing the show rather than watching. We hear but we dont listen. I speak but i dont articulate. Because its too damn painful. And because noone would want to know. Because everybody has they're own set of bloody problems and they DEAL WITH IT.

Im so tired of dealing with youre problem. Im sick and tired. And the worst feeling is not the sick and tired part. Its the i cant beleive i feel sick and tired. Its the guilt of feeling selfish. Because you are never selfish. Youre so damn selfless. But Im not you. And that sucks. For both of us.

The worst part of everything is that the only people i talk to about this are my freinds and im starting to fear that they might think you are a schitzophrenic paranoid nut. Cause you arent. You are nothing like that.

Youre just understandably lonely
and understandably under a lot of pressure
and understandaby upset.
And you're lovely and sweet and kind and funny.

I just want to see that im understandably broken.But im not.


Lord, I need air.


Breathe Me - Sia

it doesnt smell like it used to

Freedom doesnt smell like it used to.

Theres none of the sticky sweet rasberry bursts of happiness coated with icing that melts all over eager toes. None of the zesty lemon hot pink banana whip cream that screamed welcome to wonder land. None of the grumpy purple oranges painting your monochrome world in shades of purses and shoes.

None of it.

Because freedom changed. But hey, whos complaining?

Freedom hasnt presented itself in a less appealing way yet. I think its trying to out do the A levels or perhaps road kill in the " God i hope that never happens to me" department.Either that or it went on a holiday and left Lucifer in charge.

Enough of the mopey sloppy slobery stuff.

Meanwhile ( I say that way too often dont I. I think the nanny says it too. With like a Queens or a Brooklyn-ish accent. Meanwhooiilllee.Yes.)

Meanwhile, i just got back from KL. I was there for like ages man. Okay i was there since the 6th? Something like that and i got back yesterday. My Kl mantra to keep me sane was shop, eat, shop, movie, massage, shop, reflexology, eat, shop. Practically all that i have been doing. Actually, there should be more "eat"s in that mantra than "shop".

I think its a culture in KL. To eat, that is. I mean there are more food shops, restaurants, coffee houses, bars etc. than there are shops. I am not kidding. So all the weight i lost over my A's just hopped on back.

Say hello to tranny santa. I exaggerate to prove my point.

Ive got pictures. But im still a lazy procrastinating mammoth. Clearly, even A's cant help you there. So those pictures like every other picture i said would come up on this blog will sadly, never make it here. Try facebook. You might get lucky.

Speaking of facefuckingbook. I CANT ACCEPT ANY REQUESTS. It used to hang whenever i tried. But NOW, i just cant get to the page. Meanwhile, there are heads forming a mount sinai and i need to either ignore or accept. Ignore or accept. IGNORE OR...

I think this has gone on long enough. For the record, im not checking for typos. I never liked doing so. So i wont. Hah.

Much love,

farah

Pending

1. watch prison break, lost, desperate housewives, brothers and sisters and heroes. ( thats like kazzilllion hours of tv i lost in the past 2 years)

2.get a positive confirmation from the mother about releif teaching.

3.find a husband, get married, have kids, win the lottery and live in dubai.(in any order)

4.Figure out what the hell i want to do with my life if point 3 doesnt happen. So thats some soul searching.

5.Sort out my hospital internship thingamagic.

6.Start making my present for maziah

7.Sign up for some community service.

8.Say goodbye to all my exciting plans that i seriously thought i would pull through with this time ( or be more positive and pull through with em ) - yeap, settling for the latter

9. get together with Tim

10. plan the herritage tour

11. Read Read Read

12. clean

13. Meet up with tkgs peeps.

14. Meet up with cedar peeps

15 DRIVE

16 get famous on the internet by making videos. Sounds so dodgy, no? cal me *winks* No. dont. uh. call.

17 Meet up with the TJ people

18 Get some students

19 Sign up at persian wives.com. Heh.

20 Plan my bollywood partaaay

circus-mania

Hello hello. No, my A's are still not over. I still have about 7 hours before that happens. I'm sitting in starbucks, completing the very last bit of revision i've got to do for the very final a' level paper.It's like a tribute to starbucks and the two years of (fantastic) service. I was just thinking, i should have kept all my receipts from '06.I imagine it would amount to a MINIMUM of 500 bucks. Ive most definitly bought more than 50 drinks in the past 2 years. Lord, imagine all that money i could have saved.But then again, imagine all those days i would have spent as a miserable despondent thing deprived from caffeine. Imagine all those meetings and outings i wouldnt have gone on. And all that studying i wouldnt have completed. Nah, 500 dollars well spent. Most, definitely.

I'm here to say Britney's new Album Circus is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Very ala Blackout but i think the whole electronic pop adaptation she has going on is a really good sound.Other than womanizer which i'm sure most of you have heard, her songs 'rock me in" and "amnesia" are really catchy. Absolutely dance-able. Speaking of dancing, i cant wait to go dancing on the 1st of december. I cant beleive i actually kept my word and didnt go dancing since last year's new years party. Woohoo. Tj's post-prom is on the 1st of decemer at DXO. I know a few of you have been bugging me to get you cheaper tickets but it really doesnt make a difference if you buy at the door cos DXO has brought the price down to 20 bucks. So, COME.

Also, i have to revive that list of things i wanted to do since my PSLE ended.HAHA. Thats how deprived i am. I never complete these lists. In fact, i didnt even get started on the one from my O's. BUT this time, its going to be different. I want to go to Chor bazaar, i want to do some heritage exploring, i want to go on multiple picnncs, go for concerts and plays, do community service, and and and finally go to sentosa (which i've boycotted for years now). I think a few friends and myself should go on a mini holiday at sentosa. The rooms there are friigggin cheap and it'll be fun spending the day soaking up the sun and the nights partying at cafe del mar.

Aaaah.

Oh lord.Back to reality (and work). Freedom, here i come. :)

Im smiling my way through today and paper 4 is noy going to bring me down.
Yippee.

Much love,
farah

Hello.Goodbye.

Listening to the soft rock weekend, bombarded by memories from yesteryear a day before my last paper.

Oh, the ironies of life.

(Lord, look what copyright infringement has done to my playlist)




Like yesterday, when the sun came out and burned orange through the storm - just before it set. But then a perfect rainbow arched across my bedroom window. I guess in every change, something beautiful is borne.

I cant wait to see how everything falls into place. For all of us.

For now, im immersing my self in memories i dont want to lose.
So, i'll just keep remembering just in case they start to fade.

I'm impatient to start carving more memories

Much love,

Farah (:

hmphh

PAPER 4 is such a spoiler.

i guess im just going to have to ace it

Birth

Guess whos back ? Back again?

Farahs back.

Uh.

Tell some men.

Rub my back rub my back rub my...

I'm finally seeing the light cascading theough the fine canopy above. After using a machate to get this far through, the next two weeks really feels like a breeze. And after that, its freedom baby.

I feel completely ready to take on the world. I know what i want in most areas if my life - at least for the next 9 months or so.

I know what im looking for in a social aspect - the type of people i want to meet , the ones who i should prioritise and the ones i want to spend as much time as possible with.

I cant wait to start working and learning - learning things that ive put off for so long like learning Arabic , learning how to sew, baking and cooking.

I cant wait to throw get togethers just because i can.

And i cant wait to do some major soul-searching. Figuring out what i want to do with my life. What sort of career i want, where i want to live, where i want to settle down (gosh, im feeling old)

For now..

Ive got a beat im dancing to and its Dire Straits' Walk Of Life
Watch the video and get whistling :)
And tell me you dont feel positively FREE.

Much Love and Anticipation,

Farah